First, Be Your Own #1
Are you ready to be mind blown?
June 18th, 2011—this was my wedding day and the BEST day of my life. I got pampered and all dolled up for the big day. Hair, nails, make-up. All of it. I looked and felt absolutely stunning. Yes, it was my wedding day so of course I felt that way. But I should feel that way on other days and not just my wedding day. Right?
Now let me fast forward to June 18th, 2020. It’s now my 9th wedding anniversary. My husband and I made dinner plans and were looking forward to enjoying the evening. I woke up that morning and decided I wanted to get a mani/pedi. Not a big deal for most women. But for me it was. This was my first time getting a pedicure since my wedding day. Guys, that was 9 years ago. N-I-N-E years! What in the world? I’ve gotten my nails done a few times over the years but that’s it. When I told my husband, he was even shocked and asked why. That’s a really good question. Why? Why has it been 9 years since I put so much into looking and feeling amazing and being pampered? Another fun fact—I’ve never had a professional massage done, in my entire life. That’s so crazy. Why?
Here’s the short and “I don’t want to explain myself” answer—I neglected self-care! I lost sight of what it felt like to look and feel good about myself. It’s really sad when I think about it now. I can’t change the past but I can certainly make changes for the future.
Now, for the long-winded version—taking care of my ‘whole’ self was not a priority. It wasn’t on purpose. I guess I just never really made an effort. I never thought about it. Weird to not think about yourself. But, it’s true. I did think about myself and had plenty of selfish desires, but never considered my self-care.
I can hear you all now, “you don’t have to do those things to look and feel pretty,” “it’s the inner beauty that matters”. Listen—I hear you. But now, hear me out. Allow me to explain how we unintentionally neglect our self care. It’s likely different for all of us.
I enjoy retail therapy and buying things for myself just like the next person. And although I do this, it’s not quite the same as self-care. Sure, I would convince myself that I am buying a new pair of sneakers for ME, but really they are for work. I would buy myself a new jacket, but it was for hunting; an activity I love. Not exactly for me. The list can go on and on of all the things I purchase for myself but not for ‘ME'. The intent of the purchases were not focused on me doing something for me. But rather it was doing something that would support a different aspect of my life. My work. My hobbies. Not my actual being.
If you saw me, you’d immediately peg me as a tomboy. Doesn’t offend me one bit. My adult life has mostly revolved around my career of being an athletic trainer. Not a job you get all dolled up for. My time is spent on ball fields, in rain storms, in the blistering heat and uncomfortable cold. I dress for comfort. Not for fashion. Not to be cute. But to get a job done. Not to mention, high school boys make up most of the athlete population I work with. I live in sneakers because that’s the acceptable footwear. I wear hats so I’m protected from the sun. My hands are often callused and blistered from taping and from the chemicals in the cleaners I use. I never even wear my wedding rings. The rings that I absolutely adore.
Maybe this has painted an image for you, and you can see where I’m headed with this. My career became my life, so the little time I had away from work was merely just a carry over. Why get my nails done if I wear gloves and sneakers all the time? It’s not like anyone will see them. That statement right there folks, is precisely the problem! My reason for doing something was not for me, but rather about what others might notice. It had nothing to do with how it would make me feel. That’s not the reason we should do things.
As I mentioned earlier, self-care and what we do for ourselves is going to look different for each of us. For me, getting my nails done is something I like and I should do it because I love the way they look on ME. I love the way they make ME feel. Regardless if they are on gloved hands most of the time or in sweaty, stinky sneakers. If it’s something I want to do for myself, I need to do it. I was so good at convincing myself that it was a waste of money to get them done or that I didn’t have the money to do it. Lies. All lies. Remember—N-I-N-E years! That’s pathetic.
Here’s another example—I love to keep my hair short; a cute bob, sometimes stacked. In order to keep up with it, it should be cut and styled every 3-4 weeks. I have never followed that. I would say on average I go once a year, maybe twice. Why does it matter? It gets tucked under a ball cap anyways. Because I think about work—not myself. I think about being practical versus maybe looking cute. I tell myself, “ahh, it’s easier to just throw it up in a ponytail”. I don’t need to get it cut to the length and style that I love. No—That’s bullshit! There is no reason that I shouldn’t have my hair done the way I love to wear it. It doesn’t matter if I’m throwing a hat on for the afternoon or not. It’s not about that.
If you’re reading this right now and this applies to you. Just STOP! Get your damn hair done. Get your nails done. Get a massage. Have a spa day. Go on a mini vacation. Enjoy a goat yoga session because it relaxes you. Do all of these things for yourself. And side note—these are different from ME time, which is also very important but for another post. Focus on yourself. Take care of YOU first! It’s so important.
In the past 4 months I’ve gotten my nails done twice; just a simple mani with gel polish. But that’s what I love. I got them done for ME. I felt good about myself and they look cute.
If you’re like me and stubborn beyond belief. Be stubborn about your self-care. I understand that much of what we want may be a financial barrier, especially now; but don’t neglect yourself! Find ways to make it work. Maybe create a self-care jar that you put a few dollars in when you can, until you have enough. Or maybe give up something else (like $8 Starbucks drinks) that isn’t as important to you. I promise you won’t be disappointed when you start putting more effort into taking care of yourself and putting YOU first! Even if it’s the simplest of things. It doesn’t have to be getting hair and nails done or getting a massage. Whatever it is that you need, that’s what you should do—for yourself!
When you feel good and look good, you are able to be more present for others! If we don’t fully invest in ourselves, how can we expect to love and care for other people? Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Invest in yourself. Then you can translate that to your relationships with others. You’ll be amazed at the difference. A better you means that you can be better and do better for others. Self-care must come first, though!
First, be your own #1.. You won’t be sorry! I’m cheering for you!