The Voice
While at the grocery store on Sunday, I noticed front and center were King Cakes and Pazcki. My subtle reminder that Fat Tuesday was upon us which also meant Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent followed. In true Polish fashion, I immediately grabbed a box of raspberry filled pazcki with a mindset of pure indulgence.
As the weekend came to a close and the new week began, I found myself contemplating whether or not I should “celebrate” Lent this year or even attend Ash Wednesday mass. The mental gymnastics were on full display as my inner dialogue was in turmoil. It was the loudest silent conversation ever. Mind you this shouldn’t have even been up for debate in the first place. But there I was…right in the way of myself. Pretty typical.
The questions were racing. Does Lent really matter? Am I actually going to make a change? I haven’t been to mass in so long…does this even count? As you can tell the questions were even looking for excuses. I was trying so hard to convince myself of every reason I didn’t need to go. Eventually it took one moment and a soft tone of, “just do it, just go”. Then it brought back memories of last year and the year before about how I used Lent as a hard reset. A time for pause and deep reflection. A time for much needed change. It always happens to coincide with stress, so it just made sense. At that point the answer was easy.
Thankfully the voice of reason won and I went to church. On my commute there I didn’t feel any type of way but rather just went through the motions. As I entered the building, I was immediately greeted by lots of friendly faces and “hello’s”, just as I remember. I blessed myself with holy water and found a seat in the pews. Not too close but not too far. As I knelt down to say my prayers, the world around me kind of just stopped. Even though there was small chatter among parishioners trickling in, I couldn’t hear a thing. It was silent. My eyes began to fill and get heavy. You know…right before the tears start streaming down. It took everything in me to hold them back. You’ve been there…you know what I mean.
In that moment, I felt the spirit and heard the Lord say, “this is right where you need to be”. I continued to participate in mass and again went through all the motions. Said all the prayers. Sang the hymns. Then came the homily, which our priest does a great job. Today, his words spoke directly to me. Almost as if God was like…”this one really needs to hear this”. He even joked about giving up cookies. I mean it was meant to be. Everything was on point. It all made sense. He totally understood the assignment.
It didn’t dawn on me how many people were actually present because I was laser focused in the moment. But my goodness was I glad to see so many people…sinners just like me, seeking God’s grace and mercy during this Lenten season. It restored a deep feeling of hope and faith that seems to have drifted away among the societal chaos. It brought a sense of renewed peace on the horizon, for our nation and our people. If my church was packed, surely others were as well. This is great news!
As I was walking out of church, I noticed so many different people. From every walk of life, different ethnicities and cultures. Many appeared to be on their lunch break…and choosing to put God first. Everyone with an exuberant charisma. Ready to change their ways and seek the Lords will. I needed to see that. I needed to be part of that. I felt so good and rejuvenated walking out. Then I sat in my jeep for a while because it was a mad dash to get out and I wasn’t really in a hurry. I was still taking it all in. While waiting, I put on a Lauren Daigle playlist on Spotify. The songs, the lyrics…and then the waterworks. It was all present and so raw and real. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. My entire ride home I just cried. So much weight was lifted off my shoulders, without me even trying.
It felt like I had found the missing piece in my life. I’m sure there are multiple, but that was definitely a key, corner piece to get the puzzle more aligned. People that don’t understand will often ask things like, “how do you know God is speaking to you?” “Can you actually hear him”? I will emphatically say, “YES”! Beyond the spiritual signs that are present throughout my days, the voice is much louder.
If you are reading this and are someone who has been scorned or jaded from religion and walked away from your faith and your relationship with Christ, I totally get it. I do however, encourage you to come back. Honestly, the societal influences we are exposed to daily, continue to pull us further and further from the truth. Social media. Legacy media. Propaganda. Political division. All of it. It’s all intended to keep us divided, guessing and placing our trust in government and people that don’t matter in the end. That doesn’t work. It’s falling apart in real time. Every. Single. Day. We are constantly seeking validation from sources that cannot truly fulfill our lives. But for some reason we feel confident in the justifications.
In this season of Lent, I am choosing to listen more and be open to what is being spoken. To be present in my relationship with the Lord. There is a reason He called me back to church on Ash Wednesday. Unbeknownst to me, there is something more to this. I just need to be still and trust. I need to put my faith first and the worldly things last. It’s only 40 days but it’s a long and trying journey. And hopefully one that continues beyond just this season.
Happy Lent, to those of you who participate. I pray you also hear the voice that’s been calling you back. If you’re not willing to pick up the call, at least listen to the voicemail. I promise at the very least, you’ll have a moment of pause and then you can figure it out from there. If you need a song…listen to Look Up Child by Lauren Daigle.