Female. No Apologies Needed.
Are you ready for a little emotion—because that's what's coming with this post?! It's based off a comment made on a social media post of mine. The comment I received was, “wow, you really have no filter, do you?” My immediate, impulsive response was, “I tell it like it is. I'm not about the sugarcoat BS!” But without knowing the emotion behind the comment and attaching my own, I followed up with, “If you're offended, feel free to unfollow or unfriend me. I won't be upset”.
You guessed it, the comment was made by a man. A man that had an expectation of me that I apparently failed to meet. Maybe I just have the wrong type of filter? I mean, I thought my post was detailed but not to the extent of needing to be censored. You know us millennials though, especially us females—we are the worst.
Let me explain further. My post was regarding the aftermath of a recent hot food challenge that I took part in on a whim. I consumed the Lil' Nitro Gummy Bear! If you're not familiar with what I'm talking about, check out some youtube videos. I expressed in real and raw detail my experience, which wasn't pretty. You can imagine what it might have entailed. I guess you could say my post wasn't very 'lady-like'. Well damn! Did I just break the rules of society? Well let me break another and be bold for a second—I do whatever I want. If I was seeking approval or an opinion, I would have asked for it. But—I didn't!
You want to know the great thing? Because I do what I want, I get to choose what I want to post. I get to choose how I want to speak. I get to choose what I want to wear, how I want to act. It's that simple and complicated at the same time.
The expectations of women in society are shitty! Bottom line. We are forced to live in this pretend world and be things we are not. Don't wear that. Don't eat that. Don't think that. Don't act like that. For the love of God, STOP telling us how to live our lives. STOP shaming us for acting outside of your deemed societal norms. Whatever the hell they are. It seems to be whatever fits in the moment.
So I ask an age old question—WHY?
Why is it ok for a man to say something off color, proceed with a nonchalant, half-assed and insincere apology and be instantly forgiven, yet a woman says the word fuck and is absolutely crucified? Listen up, I'm unapologetically me. I will continue to live my life the way I choose. Once again, your approval is not needed. End of story. #SORRYNOTSORRY
Why is it that a woman is questioned by the bartender when ordering bourbon neat, but it's perfectly acceptable for a man to do it without the same interrogation? Oh my bad, was I supposed to ask for wine or a cocktail? Not today, sir! Give me my damn bourbon, neat. No I don't want water in it. Yes, I'm sure I don't want the ice cube. Thanks!
Why is it that a woman with the same exact credentials and experiences as a man, is paid less for the same position? This is a legit question of mine and I'm still waiting on a satisfactory answer. I've heard women are less valuable because they require time off to bear children. Seriously? Is that the best you got? Punished for bringing children into the world. Wow, are we doing awesome or what? And better yet, we're shamed for being a working mom. We're shamed for being stay-at-home moms. What exactly is our role supposed to be again? Please, enlighten me because I'm confused. Oh, right—barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I keep forgetting. Our role in society should be whatever we want it to be.
Or better yet, why is it frowned upon when a woman is the breadwinner of the family? Are we not allowed to excel in our professions? Did I miss something somewhere in the fine print of being a female? You are forbidden to be a successful professional, especially if it means you will be bringing home more Benjamins than your spouse. Yeah, I think I might have read that somewhere. NOT! People, it's 2021–can we please acknowledge that times are changing. It’s not 1950 anymore. Things are different.
Why is it that a female kicking a football during a power 5 game is instantly awarded SEC player of the week? Just because she made history? Can she not be treated equally? Don't get me wrong—I'm thrilled to death for her and the inspiration she brings for so many little girls, but at the same time it's disheartening. Just because a female puts on a uniform and takes the field in a male dominant sport doesn't mean she should be treated differently or not recognized as being equal. Why be instantly placed on a pedestal, as if this is some unachievable feat? She is brave. She is bold. She is tough. I admire this athlete. Why do we have to attach a gender to it? Why can't it just be about an athlete?
I’m going to let you in on a little secret—woman are amazing and perfectly capable of doing many of the same things as our male counterparts and then some. So hold the applause until the end, when we suit up and win fair and square! I'm not suggesting women are better or men are worse, but rather insinuating that's it time we be recognized as equal. At any given time, there are plenty of women that could step out onto a football field and play in a power 5 game. There are plenty of women that like their bourbon neat. There are plenty of working moms. There are plenty of women as breadwinners.
The problem is not whether or not women are capable. It's the stigma! Why is it that the expectations of women are so much different than they are for men? And it starts at such an early age. We raise little girls so differently. We preach about the importance of keeping their legs closed but then in the same breath tell boys to just be smart about it. Are you fucking kidding me? Like, what does that even mean?
The question of WHY can be asked forever! From an early age, I was forced into believing that I wasn't good enough. And for no other reason than because I was a girl. We have to STOP this mentality. Thankfully, I was bold, adventurous and stubborn beyond belief when I was younger. I challenged everyone that told me I wasn't good enough because I was a girl, regardless of what was at stake. Time and time again, I would prove people WRONG! Hell—I'm still doing it how many years later.
While I may come off as some ridiculous feminist, I can assure you that I’m not. I am a moderate conservative female with morals and values that some may think contradict everything I’ve just said. That’s for you to decide. Maybe I’m along the lines of being feminist, or maybe I just believe it's time we treat women with the respect and dignity we deserve. I do believe in things such as chivalry and I do believe that men should take care of their women! But there is a fine line. I'm thankful for a husband that values my worth as a woman and reminds me that I am completely capable of doing things on my own, even when I convince myself it's too hard. Rather than just do whatever it is that I've requested he do, Nick takes the time to show me as many times as it takes (sometimes it's a lot) so that my independence is never compromised. He lets me fail so that I can try again. As frustrated as I get, it means so much that he wants to see me succeed on my own accord.
It’s nice when a man offers to carry something heavy, so long as he is not insinuating that I simply cannot do it myself. There have been times in which I gladly handed over a heavy cooler, but there have also been more times for which I wanted to do it myself. I’m not sure why women are constantly underestimated and undervalued. We sure as hell bring a lot to the table.
To all the little girls, teenage girls, young women in college, women in their 30’s and beyond—you are amazing! If you haven’t already heard it from someone else, you’ve heard it from me. Don’t settle—ever. Don’t allow yourself to ever be made to feel less than, solely because you are female. You are capable of amazing things. Please, go do them! Don’t back down from a challenge and certainly don’t ever feel like being female is a limiting factor. Don’t worry about what society tells you. Keep going until you get what you want. Always remember—Female. No apologies needed!