Hey God, It’s Me Again
11pm—Dogs snoring. Nick probably already reached REM sleep. And there I was, laying in bed—deep in prayer. It seemed like the perfect time. It's not often that I spend that kind of time bringing my needs and requests to the Big Guy! If I'm being honest, I have been incredibly negligent with my time in prayer lately. So it was more meaningful and intentional this time around. I have a lot to thank him for. I live a great life and if for some reason I don't, it's my own damn fault!
You would think after spending that much time praying, I would feel relieved and immediately fall into a sound sleep afterwards. Nope—not the case. As a matter of fact, I spent most of the night wide awake, just tossing and turning. I couldn't get comfortable. Weird. I sleep on a Tempur-pedic mattress. That's usually not an issue. I couldn't shut my brain off. Was this a guilt thing? Did I just ask for too much?
As I lay there desperate to fall asleep, I couldn't help but think of one thing after another. "Are these prayers actually going to be heard this time? How many times do I have to pray for the same thing? Did I pray for everyone that I said I would pray for? Gosh—I hope it works this time. I hope people know that I truly pray for them? How many people actually follow through when they offer up their prayers for others?" The questions and thoughts were endless. I started researching things I was praying about—for others. Trying to better understand. Then I applied it to myself. This resulted in more thoughts, yet again. Maybe I'm praying for the wrong things? Eventually I fell asleep sometime in the early morning hours. I woke up exhausted. Go figure. It was a mental battle all night long!
I began to realize why I remained wide awake for most of the night—it was worry and concern. My prayers didn't really have much to do with me this time. I just threw myself in right at the end. Maybe that was my problem—I always spent so much time praying for things that I wanted and didn't focus enough on others. Last night, I prayed for others—for their needs to be heard and answered. With the thought that just maybe it would help me too!
First thing in the morning, I reached out to a dear friend, one I have been praying for—to offer my continued love and support. Today was the big day—again. Hopefully prayers would be answered this time! I know that God has a plan for us all, even if it doesn't align with the plans we have for ourselves. Yet, I still find myself struggling with the notion of 'Let go and Let God'. He hasn't answered yet. Why? Why don't the good people have their prayers answered? Why is God's plan different? Why is His timing different than ours? Maybe he's not answering for a reason?
For now I will continue to be intentional with my prayers. I will not let so much time lapse in between. It felt good. It felt like a weight was lifted off me. It felt good to put the needs of others before my own. We all need prayers. Keep praying, folks! Let God know, you still need him. We all need him!
Hey God, it's me again—just checking in. Did you get my last message?