Closing Thoughts

Dear 2020—

Ahh—I don't even know where to start! I guess I'll start by asking you WTF? But wait, I already did. And you just responded with more WTF moments. You are seriously the Hunger Games meets Jumanji. And—what an intense game it has been. At least now I know I can play with the best and worst of them! 

To be totally honest though, I owe you a huge THANK YOU! I have an attitude of gratitude for you, although I promise my mindset didn't start out that way. Actually, scratch that—it did start out that way but you ruined it in the middle of March. Didn't really give yourself much time, did ya? I also want to say, Congratulations! Not only are you one for the history books, but you're also a memory that will be forever engrained into my brain, which doesn't hold a whole lot nowadays. So good on ya! 

I've already written a lot about you in my other blog posts, so no need to rehash all those details. Gah—what a nightmare! I never really wrote the good things about you, mostly because I didn't think there were any. It just seemed like one bombshell after the other. Well maybe not that extreme. More like you were holding me in a full nelson for the entire year! Still pretty awful. 

Let's see—in March you stole my career. Then at one point, gave it back, only to take it again and then give it back. Shit, it's still a crapshoot from day to day. Talk about a whirlwind. Sheesh! But I keep reminding myself that it could be so much worse. Really? And to think—that's not even that bad all things considered. After many months, I realized there was a lot of positive that came out of losing my job and I only focused on the negatives. What else was I supposed to focus on?

Anyways, let me get back to the whole giving you thanks part—you taught me so much this year and I appreciate that. You rekindled my tenacious spirit and forced an immense amount of grit to tackle each and every day. But more than anything, you taught me about grace and reminded me just how important it is. Even though I often felt like I was in a bad place, I wasn't the only one struggling. We all were. We just tried to hide it and make the best of our worst days. A smile sure does go along way, especially in the midst of a pandemic. 

I learned that it's a privilege to have a job and get paid and to have simple things, like toilet paper. Never in my lifetime did I ever think I would contemplate fighting someone for some charmin to wipe my ass. Every day felt like a test. A test of my patience. A test of my strength. A test of my perseverance. A test of my faith. A test to see just how much I could take before breaking? Well, you put up a really good fight—so kudos to you. But, I WIN! I made it to the end of Jumanji 2020. 

I was fortunate to never contract COVID to my knowledge, but honestly I think I had it last December before we really knew about it. Either way, I consider myself lucky because many can't say the same. I did however get to watch this pandemic kill a lot of things—small businesses and restaurants for starters. It was really rough. I made the conscious effort to buy local every chance I could, just so another place wouldn't die in the name of COVID. So, thank you for that. But I must ask, "do you just not like good, local places or do you really enjoy supporting big business overseas?" They thrived while many places succumbed to a slow miserable death. Ugh—it makes me sick to think about it. I was cheering when I saw a small business make it through the gauntlet! You taught me to buy American Made—that's for damn sure! And I'm proud of it.

You taught me that being an athletic trainer isn't my true identity, although for the past decade I thought otherwise. It is just my career and my profession. It's not who I am but rather a role I play in the life that I live. It does not define me, even though it's a huge part of me. I discovered that I'm also a wife and a dog-mom among others. I was able to capitalize on those roles for just about the whole year. It painted a much different picture. It revealed the many days and moments that I missed out on in years past because I was too busy with work. I learned that work is important but it's not everything. The people I love matter more than a paycheck! That quality time is everything. It's irreplaceable. So, thank you for the stay-at-home order! I enjoyed lots of shared cooking, workouts and Netflix binges. 

You certainly weren't my favorite year, but you taught me so much. So much about myself. So much about others—SO MUCH! So much about how the world works—or better yet, doesn't work. In the same instant of sheer panic, you provided clarity. Weird how that worked, but it did. You showed me that even in the darkest of times, there is strength to be had. You taught me that no matter what—be tenacious, show up with grit, and show out with grace! 

Thank you, 2020—for being the year I want to so badly forget but will always remember! I hope there is never another like you, but if there is—you better watch out, because I'm not backing down! 

Peace out, 2020! Welcome 2021—boy do you have some shoes to fill. 

In my best Semisonic voice—"closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end".