Lessons Learned

When I hear someone say “I learned the hard way," I immediately know what teacher taught the lesson. Life—the ultimate teacher. The teacher of all teachers! 

Life teaches us lessons, but without empathy, without compassion, without any emotions, really. Life doesn’t care about all that. Life doesn’t give you a hug and comfort you. It’s just hard-nosed lessons. We’ve all been there. Luckily we have other teachers that offer empathy and compassion with their lessons. They are called ‘moms’. Moms give a warning when there might be danger lurking ahead. Life on the other hand—doesn’t care. 

So, when mom says, don’t play in that construction site because it’s dangerous, but I do it anyways; the life lesson comes in. The lesson—an awful flesh wound accompanied by a life-long scar to always remember. But, I didn’t heed the warning. I learned my lesson. I just learned it the hard way, from life rather than the compassionate teacher, who was my mom. 

Life lessons are great. The people who have paved the way for us, already experienced many of them. These are the ones that provide us with the infamous, “I told ya so” line. And yes, I did get that line from my mom as she was dumping bottles of peroxide on my foot. Ahh—the double whammy. Even better! Side note from the AT in me—do not use peroxide. Soap and water will do the trick!

Now that you enjoyed one of my finer childhood moments, I would be remiss if I didn’t share some life lessons from adulthood. These lessons came about when I wanted to quit. When I wanted to give up on my passion. The one that I put so much effort into and worked so tirelessly for. Not like me at all to give up and quit!  

I am not an open person by any stretch of the imagination. Just ask those I am close with. I stay very bottled up. Like a coke all shook up and ready to explode at any moment—and then some. It’s definitely to my detriment but nonetheless my personality. I don’t share things, especially my feelings. So you’re in for a treat!

About 2 years ago I was in a rough patch, particularly in my career. I don’t know how to appropriately describe it because it was more than just being in a ‘funk’. I had hit rock bottom! What an awful place to be. If you ever visit rock bottom, only stay briefly and then get the hell out of dodge! Don’t ever go back. It’s not a place you want to revisit.

For 3 straight weeks and without exaggeration, I cried every day on my way to work; a solid 30-40 minutes being a blubbering mess. I wasn’t sure why, but it needed to happen. To be honest, I couldn’t make it stop. These tears weren’t just pouring from my eyes. These tears were from deep within. I am not one to cry so this is when I knew I was in a bad place. Something was not right. Not right at all.

I had the typical stressors that everyone else experiences. But beyond that, I stressed over things out of my control. What a waste of my already depleted energy! I’m sure the people who knew me well, could tell that I was off however I did a pretty decent job suppressing what I needed to, when I needed to. I’m a champ like that! It’s kind of like in the hidden AT code or something.

I constantly reminded myself that I can’t show weakness. I can’t be vulnerable. I’m an athletic trainer and so many people rely on me. WRONG! Yes, many relied on me but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be weak or vulnerable. Although I would consider myself strong and confident, I realized and acknowledged that I am not immune from insecurities and vulnerable circumstances. I’m not some superhero with special powers. I’m just like everyone else. We all struggle different, yet we all struggle the same. Our struggles are real, even when we pretend, they don’t exist. They eat at us. 

Deep down I knew that I loved being an AT and caring for my athletes. But that’s where it stopped. My work consumed my entire life. I hated it. How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen? I didn’t know how to fix it, so I just cried and cried and cried and prayed. Crying was embarrassing and therapeutic all at once but it didn’t provide anything more than that. I needed some answers. Was I doing what I was supposed to be doing? I had to do some serious soul-searching. Many sleepless nights were had. The negative thoughts consumed me. Every ounce of my being.  

I think for the most part, I remained a pretty decent AT through it all, because after all, that seemed like my only purpose. I sucked at being a wife. I sucked at being a friend. You name it, I was not what I should have been. That’s terrible! And should never be the case. 

Changes were so needed. It was me being honest with myself. It wasn’t enough to just change my mindset. This required actual change. So, what did I do to get myself back on track? What lessons did I have to learn? The greatest change I made was removing toxic people from my life. Toxic—what exactly do I mean by that? I’m talking about the energy suckers. The cancers. The Negative Nancy’s. The Karen’s. The gossip queens. We all know someone like this. Hopefully it’s not you! I learned that sometimes these people are co-workers, bosses, friends, family members. Sometimes they are even disguised in our relationships. If you have toxic people in your life—remove them or remove yourself from them! It’s not an easy task, I can promise you that. But, it’s a necessary one. What a remarkable difference that made!

Another change, was leaving work at work. I was notorious for bringing my work home with me and I don’t just mean paperwork; although I did that too. Being an overachiever is the worst! It was so hard not to. It was my passion. It was my life. The problem—it was accompanied with all the emotions that came along for the ride. And let’s be honest, we rarely bring home the good stories. It’s the negative ones that really affect us. Don’t bring that shit home! I learned that when you bring work home, especially the negative gossip, you become the toxic person. No one wants that. My poor husband, Nick, heard it all. He knew every little detail of all my worst days. You know where that shit belongs—in a journal, that’s where. Release that havoc on paper but don’t let it out on people!

Speaking of husband—this brings me to my next change and lesson learned. No, I didn’t get rid of him, but thanks for thinking that! Enjoying guilt free meals with Nick was my next big step. What do I mean by that? Well, I already told you that I brought work home so obviously it affected my personal life. I felt like someone always needed me and I would drop everything to accommodate them. I would offer an instant reply to a text message or email. And phone calls, ugh don’t even get me started. It was so bad. Listen to how awful of a wife I was—I would take the call during dinner. On a Sunday. Are you kidding me with this right now? Please, please. Don’t do this. It’s not that important. It can wait. I learned that there is a reason voicemail exists. Let it do its job! The even bigger problem, I wasn’t reciprocating this in my personal life. If Nick called me at work, there was a high likelihood that he was cut off because I had to deal with something. Why then, would I not do that when someone bothered me at home? Weird. I know. Many of us do this though. Well, I used to. I stopped and love that I did.

Another change—I had to be ok with telling people NO and I had to accept that it was ok to do just that. You can’t be everything to everyone. I had to set boundaries. I had to be strong in them and not cave. I did well with it although I pissed a lot of people off in doing so. That’s ok though! I learned that I’m not at the beck and call of anyone and you shouldn’t be either. Remember that! 

During my challenging times, I’m thankful for a husband who remained patient through it all even though he didn’t understand what was going on in my head. Shoot, I barely did. Nick stood by my side and supported me in anything and everything I needed. 

I am still an AT, working for the same organization and school that I did 2 years ago. Why is this important to note? Because it was just a matter of setting my priorities straight, while learning a few lessons along the way. I didn’t need to overhaul my entire career. It was removing the toxic people, leaving work at work, telling people ’No’. It was about only allowing moments that add meaning or value to my life. All of these things changed me. They changed me as an athletic trainer. They changed me as a person. They changed me as a friend. They changed me as a wife. And they provided me with lessons learned.

Even as adults, life continues to teach us lessons. Some of them harder than others, but all valuable. The bad news is that we don’t really have mom to warn us of the dangers ahead, but the good news is that we can dust ourselves off and get back up after we fall. We all have lessons learned. Here are the ones I learned during the rough patch in my career— 

We all have similar stories, yet they are all different and unique. But, what happens when we share these experiences and life lessons with others? They help us grow and learn, whether we realize it or not. Sometimes it’s through the bond or connection that is formed. Other times it's simply just the assured mutual understanding. If my stories, my life lessons, and my shared experiences help only one person, I will be pleased. My hope however, is that they reach anyone and everyone that may benefit from hearing them! 

Lessons learned are experiences and stories worth sharing!