The Worst Pajama Party Ever

You know those people who say they can't wait to get home from work so they can throw on their PJs...and relax? You know the ones who who feel tired, overworked, underpaid, and totally take having a job for granted? I get it.

But I'll just cut to the chase...I have lived in my PJs for the past two months. For those of you that wish for this life, you are fucking nuts. If you're shocked to hear this, keep reading. Maybe this is you too. If so, definitely keep reading. There's more to it, I promise!

I got a call back in November, just before the start of the most happy and joyous holiday season of the year and was informed that my position was terminated, effective immediately. Wait, what? Initially I was shocked. Like this isn't real, laughable type of shock. I had zero emotion in the moment. I think my response was, "ok".

And then as I hung up, a million thoughts raced through my head as you can probably imagine. What went wrong? I was a top producer in the company. Just days ago everything was golden. Obviously there is more to the story that I will not elaborate on as it's not relevant. However, this might be the craziest work related thing I've dealt with. The truth of the matter is that this is how the real life business world operates. When you put your livelihood in the hands of a company, you should always expect this can happen.

We don't think like that or see it as a real possibility. When we take a position, we see a lucrative salary and financial security. We see an opportunity for growth. We see a bright future. We see success. All good things and we should focus on them but we must understand none of that comes without risk of maybe losing it all. But the way we think and do things is crazy. If you've never read the book "Predictably Irrational" by Dan Ariely, I highly encourage you read it. It explains us as humans so well and why we think and act the way we do.

But back to my pajama party...and the worst one ever!

If you follow me on social media, you're probably shocked to learn this because I have not made any of it known, mainly because there isn't a need and I am still working. I blog about it however, because writing is therapy and if it helps another person, then I've done a good deed. I know I'm not the only person going through this right now.

My Facebook facade would tell you my life is good and normal. And I guess for the most part it is. Maybe it's me just trying to find the good in a bad situation. I mean, I still have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in and some food on the table. But the truth is, even though it may appear that way...I suck at being grateful. More specifically in finding the good in unfortunate and trying times. Big time suck at it. I convince myself otherwise but I know the real truth. It usually takes me far longer than it should.

The 'me' that has been stuck in PJs for days on end tells a drastically different story than my social media presence. Why? Because stress is real. Depression is real-er. And Anxiety is the realist. The absolute trio of demise. The ones every pity party accepts with arms wide open. I'm not trying to undermine these one bit, so no need to instantly become offended. Because I'm right in the thick of it myself. But let's be real, when we're vulnerable the pity party is always a much bigger celebration. And it sucks! Every emotion you didn't know you had surfaces at precisely the wrong time. If you've been there then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I imagine this feels similar to being stranded in the middle of an ocean and having a cinder block thrown to you as a rescue device. Maybe it seems a little far fetched but believe me, some days that's basically what it feels like.

I'm not writing this because I want you to join in on my pity party, which by the way is coming to an end as I pick myself and my ego up and move on. I chose to blog about this today as a result of a social media post I came across this morning. As I was browsing Facebook, there was a video that caught my attention. Normally I would skip past and not pay any bit of attention. But it struck me. It was Rachel Hollis talking about how we should teach our children to have an entrepreneurial mindset.

In our society, we have the expectation that if you go to college and get a degree and land this big job, you'll be financially safe and secure. This is so far from the truth yet we all fall for it... until we fall victim. In other instances we feel the need to get that next certification or license to showcase our value even further, which wasn't already recognized by our employer. And it still doesn't equate to a pay raise. But we continue to do this in hopes that maybe one day we'll be seen. But Rachel discusses how we need to teach that free lancing is perfectly ok. That stringing together multiple side hustles is absolutely acceptable. That it's not necessary to have some big time job that likely isn't paying what we deserve in the first place.

Why should we be having these conversations? Because being self-employed and/or an entrepreneur is empowering. And you are in total control of your destiny. You have the freedom to go about your life as you please. You answer to no one but yourself and have the ability to make far more than you would in a "safe" salaried position.

Safe is the easy thing to do, which is why most of us choose that path. It doesn't make it the right thing for us to do. But this leads me to some questions for you to ponder. Why are we so ok with trusting someone else with our livelihood?  Why do we feel like it's so safe yet it can be stripped in an instant? Why are we ok with being complacent and not willing to take a chance on ourselves? Why doesn't this ever resonate with us?

We don't choose for bad things to happen, but they can and they do. We just aren't prepared because we live for immediate comfort. We live for the here and now. In every situation whether good or bad, lies an opportunity. Always. Maybe we recognize it or maybe we don't. But it's there. As unfortunate as the situation is and as angry and deflated as I am, I wasn't just thrown to the curb. Even though it absolutely feels that way and is hard to see it as anything else. There was and still is an opportunity. It's just different. It's what I choose to do with it. How much am I willing to do for myself? How much am I willing to put in? The most important thing to understand is that we should be the ones to dictate how our story goes and not put that power in someone else's hands. As I've wallowed in the worst PJ pity party of my life for the past couple of months, I've had plenty of time to think. Maybe too much time in between my tears and frustration. But at the end of the day, I realize I control my own destiny. I know my value. I know my capabilities and what I bring to the table and I will decide what my future looks like.

If you're in the middle of your worst PJ party ever, know that you choose when the party ends. Don't let someone else decide that for you. You make that call. If you're stressed, anxious and depressed and can't pull yourself out, seek professional help. It's real. It's terrible. Believe me, I get it. If you can pull yourself out of it, GET UP NOW! Pick yourself up, go brush your hair, put on some real clothes, go outside for some fresh air and go fucking slay your next life adventure! Ain't nobody out there better than you! Believe that. Dream that. Live that.