A Smile Hides a Million Lies
Over the course of my lifetime I can't count the number of times people have said to me, “You should smile more”. I usually respond with a sarcastic chuckle or half-assed smirk. For starters, I hate when people tell me what I should do or how to live my life. Don't worry about what I'm doing or why I'm doing it! But I must tell you, I am the queen of RBF—better known as ‘resting bitch face’. I know there was never any malice in people's comments to me, but it certainly was my reminder that everyone can see my facial expressions—and they don't lie or do they?
From a young age I was never one to smile. For no other reason than that's just how I was. I was never one for emotions unless I was angry. Then you damn well knew. I look back on pictures and laugh. My mom wasn't kidding. I seriously never smiled—but I did laugh a lot. Why didn't I smile? I don't really have a great answer other than to say, I have always been a serious person that doesn't reveal a ton of emotion. I wasn't your typical happy-go-lucky kid. I was aware and in tune to everything going on around me—a sponge, if you will. I soaked it all in.
As I got older and my personality started to develop, that stern demeanor stuck around. At some point I realized it was just me and I had to own it! Unfortunately I was always bombarded with, “What's wrong?” or “Why are you always angry”. Then in true Lydia fashion—now I was pissed. Mind you this was coming from people who didn't know me well. The ones that did, would ask questions when I was super positive and smiling, because that was odd. My serious demeanor apparently was so strong that I one time heard, “Why do you always have a chip on your shoulder?” Excuse me, what? How do those things even translate? I always wondered why some people have the audacity to say the things they do. As bold as I can be, I shockingly keep to myself for the most part. Believe me—in those instances, I had plenty to say but always responded politely. My momma raised me better than that. Thanks, mom!
Now that I have been around the block a few times, I worry less about what people think of me. But I'll be damned if I still don't find the need to defend myself on occasion. It makes no sense. Maybe I'm defending my honor, my reputation. Who knows? I will say, I'm not Polly Positive. I'm a realist. I have accepted who I am. I may not plaster happiness across my face all the time, but I am very content.
Since a smile isn't my go-to, I've resorted to defending myself with, “I'm fine” or “I'm good”, when interrogated—which shockingly is perceived as a lie when I spout it out. I can't win. I struggle with things just as much as the next person, but it does not mean the earth is shattering below me. So don't be alarmed by my lack of a smile. I have a serious face that goes along with my personality. I wear it A LOT! I wear it on my good days and bad. Don't use a smile as your judge of character or even how someone feels.
So I will ask you, “Is a smile really what we're looking for? Is that how we perceive positivity, happiness, all things good? Will that change how you perceive me or how you perceive others”? And yes, I do smile. But I don't have one plastered on my face all the time—because it would just be fake! Does it mean something is wrong? NO! Just because someone isn't wearing a smile, doesn't mean there is necessarily something wrong. I'm gonna be honest— in my observations, I worry more about the people who constantly don a smile. How much is hidden behind it? I can tell you a smile hides a million lies. I know some of these people.
Get to know people for who they are and not what is represented on their facade. Spoiler alert—the face lies! There is a whole lot more going on than we realize. Some of the unhappiest people have the biggest smile you've ever seen. If you see me smiling all the time, you better check on me and ask me what the hell is up. Because that is NOT normal. Haha. I might just have two personalities. Gosh—that would be scary. One is hard enough to deal with. Anyways, be who you are and let others be who they are. If you are close with someone and can tell they are off, certainly check on them. If you don't know someone, don't assume something based off a facial expression. Get to know them personally before diving off the deep end with your thoughts. If the past few years have taught me anything—it's that we are so vulnerable and life is precious.
Although I assume most people don't like my serious personality, I am fortunate to own it. I am incredibly observant while appearing uninterested or even unattached to most things. I can very often spot when someone is off, whether it's a friend, my sisters, or even an athlete of mine—down to the way a text message is sent. Crazy! I know the triggering social media posts. I know when there is an injury that hasn't been disclosed to me. I know a lot of things that most people don't realize. Not hiding behind a smile and being genuinely myself, allows me to better understand people.