Renegade

On a cold day in July, over 3 decades ago, a 6lb 7oz little girl entered the world with reckless abandon. She emerged from the womb, a fighter; not realizing this would be her life. She entered on a mission and with purpose and never looked back. This fighting infant morphed into an incredibly bold toddler. One who created her own language and demanded everyone learn it in order to communicate. After a few years, this bold toddler became a fearless child. Fearless in every way possible. This fearless child then turned into a pre-teen rebel. Duh! A rebel without a cause as they say. But maybe there was a cause. It would just be determined at a later date. This rebel was cut from a different cloth. She was an outsider. A unique ruby gem in a world full of diamonds. This girl was certainly no musician but always marched to the beat of her own drum. 

That fighting infant. That bold toddler. That fearless child. That rebel pre-teen. That unique ruby gem. They are all now packed into a 5ft 4in, woman who is determined as hell. That woman is me. 

I was recently introduced to a new song from Pink, called 'All I Know So Far'. Great song, by the way. But I was immediately drawn in from the very first lyrics—"Haven't always been this way, wasn't born a renegade". These words just stuck out to me, kind of like a flashing neon sign. And I couldn't look away. I couldn't ignore it. What did these words mean? Why did they stand out to me? 

Let's take a look—by definition, a renegade is someone who rejects traditional beliefs and conventional behavior. Someone not really seen in a positive light. Hmm. But it’s not really natural to reject the norm, so what happens to make someone a renegade? Does it mean this person is bad or wrong? Did something happen, forcing them to go rogue? What if the norm isn't really that great? 

As mentioned earlier, I was born a fighter. I didn't enter the world with a soft, jovial cry, like everyone else. I came out kicking and screaming, to let the world know, I AM HERE! I came out with a voice. And a strong one at that. I’m sure God said, "This one will roar!" And he was not lying. But it got me thinking—was I born a renegade? Was this His plan for me, from the very beginning? Is there even such a thing? 

I grew up a middle child. Lucky me! Stuck between two sisters who were quite different than me. They were better than me at everything. They were smarter and more athletic. I was a loner. I just did my own thing. I entertained myself most days. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't an instigator and started many of our debacles. Believe me, they got their fair share of licks on me, until I was strong enough to defend myself. The good news—that's where I learned how to fight. So something good came out of it. We grew up tomboys. We were all tough. We didn't take shit from anyone. Hell, we still don't! Part of it was how we were raised and the other part I think is just personality. I'd like to say that over the years we have matured out of some of our behaviors...maybe. But if one thing is for certain, that strong will to stand up and fight for what's right, is still alive and well in me! That ain't dying. 

I rarely threw the first punch, but I'll be damned if I backed down from a fight. And that rings true today. I don't care how big the dog is. I have certainly earned my stripes over the years and I'm proud of that. Why? Isn't fighting bad? Let me backup for a minute—I am not proud of myself for actually fighting. But I am proud of myself for always standing up for what I believe in. For standing up for what is right and what is true. Most of the time I wasn't even fighting on my behalf, but rather righting a wrong that was done to someone else. That's just who I am. 

To this day I am fighting battles. Battles that aren't really mine to fight. But I refuse to sit back and watch or turn a blind eye when wrongs have been committed, especially if voices have been silenced or flat out unheard. I feel I have a responsibility to take a stand. To fight for the truth. To fight for what is right. I don't back down. I am not quiet. I make my presence known. I let everyone know that I am not okay with what is happening. I get right in the middle of it all. 

Maybe that's the renegade in me? We know the norm is to just sit back and let the cards fall as they may. Right? We do this all the time. But that's just not me. That's not how I roll. I'm not the norm and never will be. I fight. I fight until the wrongs are made right and the lies become truth. But what happens when you do this? Well, sometimes you end up with bruises and scars. Sometimes you lose friends. Sometimes you get cut from your team senior year. Sometimes you get benched. Sometimes you're in a lawsuit. Sometimes your job is in question. Sometimes you're overlooked. But every time—you can rest, knowing that you gave it your all. You stood up for what was right and true! 

There are plenty of current scenarios I can throw out for which I'm fighting. Trying to be a voice for the unheard. Those that are vulnerable. Those that aren't being given a choice. After all, that's what renegades are supposed to do, right? Go against the grain? I'm here for it. I'm ready. I was put on this Earth for a reason. 

I did something I wouldn't normally do, but I think it's worth including in this post. I asked people who are closest to me—to describe me in a few words. This is what I got. Strong. A little crazy. Focused. Compassionate. Kind-hearted. Confident. Courageous. Competitive. Stubborn. Beautiful. Honest. God-loving. Trustworthy. Dependable. Consistent. Unyielding. Warrior. Hard working. Driven. Successful. Caring. Happy. Positive. Adventurous. Perfectionist. Logical. Resilient. Organized. Conservative. Optimistic. Determined. Either these dear loved ones of mine were lying, or this is truly what a renegade is made of!

I'll leave you with this—more lyrics from 'All I Know So Far'. 

"Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in; Let 'em drag you through hell; They can't tell you to change who you are; That's all I know so far; And when the storm's out, you run in the rain; Put your sword down, dive right into the pain; Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars; That's all I know so far"

I am a fucking renegade!